Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
