This is not my ceiling
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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