Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
