you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
