You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
