who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
