And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
