I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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