i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
