Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
