I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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