the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
