like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
