I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
