There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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