Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
