I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
