I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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