He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
