Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
