There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
