go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
