I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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