4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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