i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
