your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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