I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
