dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
