I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
