She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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