just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
