I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
