It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
