apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
