just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
