just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
