Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
