Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
how does that bad decision feel?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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