I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
