My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
