It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
