My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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