I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
