I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were destined to go to rehab together
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
