There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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