You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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