the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
