she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
