We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
