I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
