I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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