Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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