Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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