You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
