I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
