i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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