I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
