he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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