I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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