I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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