You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
